A day to remember

     Memorial Day. A day set aside for those who served our country. I am so proud of each of them who have put their lives on hold, and some who have given their lives for the freedoms of this country. There truly isn't a more selfless act, than to lay down a life for a brother.  But I am glad that this day is also one that we are able to remember so many others who have gone on before us.
     Today is not only Memorial Day for us, it has also been 6 months to the day since Brittany's birthday. That mean 9 days until the 6 months anniversary of her death. It leaves me speechless to think that 6 months have almost past. 2 seasons, several holidays, and almost all of our birthdays. All things she has missed. I am glad that today, we get to celebrate, with so many other families, the lives of those people who have forever changed our own.
     First thing this morning, we all went outside to work on the yard. John worked on the garden with Jenna and Jordan. I planted more flowers, pruned trees, and pulled weeds with Savanah and Kaitlyn. I had one of those moments when I said the wrong name to the right person. I called Kaitlyn, Brittany.  It's hard to catch those moments, and it's sad to think she will never come, no matter how long I call. When I was done outside, I was sitting on the lawn, cooling off in the shade. I smiled as I realized it was the spot Brittany loved to go to read her books on warm summer days. I think today, she would have enjoyed working outside with us. And I think she would have sat in that very spot to cool off, just as I had.
     After going to the nursery for more flowers and plants, we stopped by Wal Mart and got a bundle of balloons. Purple and pink, two of her favorite colors.  Pink, because they didn't have any teal. We then drove to the cemetery. I had brought sharpies, so we could write messages on the balloons. After everyone got a chance to write whatever they felt like, we counted off, and released them together. The mood completely changed as we watched them drift high in the sky. At first, the kids were still a bit edgy, and were continuing the fights that had started in the car on the way. They were unfocused, and just wanted to get it over, so we could go home. But as we watched the balloons, everyone became quiet. There was a peace there that brought tears to my eyes. We hadn't let balloons go since the graveside service, and the same peace that was there then, had returned. There were even two birds that flew across, just like the first time at the graveside service.

     There is something about watching the balloons drift like that. I don't know, maybe I am just imagining things. But I do feel like Brittany is with us every time. And I do think she has a way to be connected during that time. Almost as if she is gently blowing the balloons herself.
     I've thought a lot about Brittany today. I've thought of the things she has missed out on. I've thought of the things we have missed out on too. I wonder what she sees now, how she feels, what she looks like. I wonder how often she is able to be with us, and what she thinks of us. Are we still goofy parents that she rolls her eyes at, secretly loving all the crazy things we do? Does she feel sad for us when we fight? Does she want to wipe away the tears, when the pain is just too much? Does she laugh with us when we tease? Does she inspire us with comebacks that she would have said if she could be here?  Mostly, does she know, how very much she is loved, and missed?