Everything has a story to tell

We all have things that bring us strength. Listening to music, holding our children, drinking a Diet Coke or eating chocolate. There is something that helps us all through difficult times. For me, I have many. I am a very sentimental person. When given flowers, I hang onto them until they are not only wilted and dead, but until they have dried and are crumbling. I have little items from years past that I look upon and pull strength from. Many photographs that I glance through often, reminding me of moments, and friends from times lost. Over the last 2 1/2 months, my items of strength has increased, and the "feel" to them has shifted. Diet Coke no longer has the savor to it it used to. Chocolate is only making me fatter. I am more particular about music and how it relates to my mood. My first token of new strength came while we were still in the hospital. Brittany had already passed, and our family members were still with us, holding onto the few moments we had left there together. A nurse approached us saying we had a visitor if we would allow her to come. We had never met her before, and right now I even forget her name. She told us that she had been sent by some friends to make some necklaces for us. She showed us an example of the kind she would be making. She would be taking some silver polymer and makes an impression of Brittany's fingerprint. Once firing the silver, a tag and a pearl would also be attached. The amazing thing is, it can't ever be duplicated. Everyone has their own unique fingerprint, just as every person is so unique themselves. What a blessing this was for us. It had to be done then, because Brittany would no longer be accessible for something like this. Our kids watched as she very respectfully got each impression individually for each necklace. One for every member of our family. It took a few weeks to get everything done, and the tags couldn't quite hold the amount of characters needed for her name, so we had to get a little creative with that. Some have her initials, there is the word "forever" that has been used. But each one is perfect. I love how much they mean to each of us. It's like a little part of her is still hugging my neck.

Over the next several weeks, and even now, we are still getting gifts from people. Books, poems, cards, so many other ways of remembering Brittany and helps with grief. Each one is greatly appreciated. The first gift we received once we were home was a Willow Tree figurine of a mother and daughter. I had seen Willow Trees many times, and had always loved them. I was even given one from a dear friend after having gone through several weeks of difficulty, to show strength and courage.  I have a whole new appreciation of them now. The simplicity of each one, and how much the little girls look like Brittany. There doesn't have to be a face to show personality and feeling in a piece like these. We ended up receiving several over the next week or so, and I have added some myself. Each one has it's own story, it's own place in my heart.

This was the first one I was given, before Brittany passed away. As we were going through pictures of Brittany, John found this picture he took of her while we were in California a few years ago. I love how they are now tied together in this way. A symbol of freedom and happiness.

These are ones that were given to us from different friends. Like I've said before, each one has a story to them. I won't go into each story because some of them are too dear to me to post publicly. But they are loved.

These are my representations of Brittany and memories she brings to mind. At the funeral John and I, and each of my kids wrote and presented their own talks. It was mentioned more than once Brittany's love of apples and reading. They were her source of comfort and peace. Jenna mentioned in her talk a time we were on the Beaver mountains camping. Brittany had been gathering wildflowers with Jenna and Savanah. Somehow Brittany found a seashell up there. She gave it to Jenna and told her it was magic, and told a cute story of how it was magic as she gave her the shell. So the angel with the sea shell is specifically for Jenna to have someday. Her own angel with a magic sea shell.

This is my family group. I can't tell you how many times I had held Brittany just like this when she was having a bad day, my heart aching to take her pain away. Wanting so much to be able to make sense of this world for her and to help her find her place. I have so many memories of John sitting relaxed as he teases and visits with our children. As soon as I saw this figurine, I knew I had to have one. The one of the two girls talking brings tears to my eyes. I love that one girl has brown hair and the other short blond, just like Brittany and Kaitlyn. They would always talk about their dreams, hopes, and plans for the future. They would plot, scheme, and laugh and the most random ideas. I have one in mind that I will be getting someday soon of a girl with her brother. That will be Jordan's, and I'll post it once I get it.
     At the funeral, we were touched at the amount of family members that came for us. Neither John or I have family close by, so each of them had to travel quite a distance. We had some as far away as Texas, travel for two days in time to be there for the funeral just to turn right around a few hours later to go back. We had aunts, uncles, cousins we haven't seen in years. There were some that were only able to come to the viewing, and others that couldn't come at all that sent proxies in their place to bring messages of comfort and support. We truly are blessed with wonderful families. One family member that has touched my heart forever, is one of Johns cousins. She has had her own heartbreak she has been dealing with. I won't go into detail, since that is her story to tell to whom she feels should hear it. But hugging her was like hugging my own sister. She gave us a gift after the funeral as we were cleaning up and preparing to go home. She has a friend that quickly become so dear to me, even though we have never met. She made this for us. I doubt she will ever know the peace seeing Brittany in such a loving place means to me. It helps to be able to see a real picture of her, happy in a place I can only dream about.