There's a song for everything

As we drove home from the hospital there would be times when silence was the most comforting sound in the world. Just to hear the white noise of the wheels on pavement and the engine running. I would stare out the window and see nothing at all. I felt like all my strength had been pulled out of me, and to even breathe was imensly exhausting. But after awhile there needed to be something more, or I was afraid I might litraly go insane. So, I put on some music. Being so numb, it was easy to listen to the words of every song that came on. Songs that had been written for lovers, now took on a whole new meaning. The love they expressed was like my own love I had for Brittany. The heartbreak became mirrored to my own. It's interesting how anything can be twisted to fit your own situation. But there was one song that really hit home. Its by Rihanna :

A Million Miles Away

Here we lay face to face once again

silence cuts like a knife as we pretend.

and I'm wondering who will be the first to

say what we both know

We're just holding on to "could have been"s

and we should be letting go

(chorus)

It feels like you're a million miles away 

as you're lying here with me tonight.

I can't even find the words to say

I can't find a way to make it right

and we both know the story's ending,

we play the part, but we're just pretending

and I can't hide the tears

'cause even though your here,

it feels like you're a million miles away.

Was it me, or was it you that broke away?

For what we were is like a season love is change.

And every time I think about it, it tears me up inside.

Like the rivers of emotion, but I got no more tears to cry.

(chorus)

We can try to talk it over, but we walked that road before

While our song is playing it's last note

we both know for sure that it's time to close that door.

(chorus)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9EHxH-_urw

All I could see, was myself laying next to my sweet girl, knowing every second I was with her, she was slipping further away from me. I could touch her face, but she was already so far gone, lost in her coma. I wanted to badly to be able to reach her one more time. To look in her eyes and have her looking back at me as I told her for the last time how much I love her. But she felt like she really was a million miles away.

A few weeks after Brittany's funeral, I had a friend share with me another song. This one by Pink. As I listened to it, it was perfect for how Brittany was. She was always barefoot, running around in the grass. Always picking wild flowers. At the graveside services, we had a balloon release to the song "Tears in Heaven". As we let the balloons go, and they floated higher and higher, there were two black birds fly about.  They circled around, in and out of the balloons. I felt as if it really was Brittany trying to say good-bye to us in her own way. What I wouldn't give for just one more minute.... Just one.

Beam Me Up

There's a whole n'other conversation going on

in a parallel univers. 

Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.

There's a waltz playing frozen in time.

Blades of grass on tiny bare feet.

I look at you and you're looking at me

(chorus)

Could you beam me up?

Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it.

I'd probably just stare, 

happy just to be there holding your face.

Beam me up.

Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter.

I think a minutes enough.

Just beam me up.

Saw black birds soaring in the sky.

Bearly a breath I caught one last sight.

Tell me that was you, saying goodbye.

There are times I feel the shiver and cold.

It only happens when I'm on my own.

That's how you tell me I'm not alone.

(chorus)

In my head, I see your baby blues.

I hear your voice and I,

I break in two and now there's one of me with you.

So when I need you can I send you a sign?

I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights.

I'll pick a star and watch you shine.

(Chorus)

Beam me up

Beam me up

Could you beam me up?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo