Sweet memories

Today I can't help but feel very sentimental. Tomorrow marks 3 months we have been without our sweet girl. Time has turned into a very interesting concept to me. I now mark everything in two categories, "Before Brittany died" and "After Brittany died". Everything has seemed to have slowed down. I feel like I am walking in slow motion while I watch the world moving as if they are in fast forward. I watch in awe as people are able to so easily do so many things. They can go to the store and go about their list with ease. They aren't constantly darting their eyes around see who is "watching" them. They don't stare at the floor trying to focus on being able to just breathe. I see people who smile. Not just their lips curling up at the corners, but smile with feeling that can be seen in their eyes. I wish I could learn how to do that again. I see people driving to places with purpose. I see people living, and doing it without even realizing the amazing things they are doing.
Today John and I went to GPA, the school Brittany was currently attending when she got sick. This was only the second time we have been there since she died. The first time was before the funeral to pick up a memorial they had done for Brittany. As we pulled in to the parking lot, it was easy to see the route we had planned out for her so she could walk home like she wanted to. I saw where she was standing in line during a fire drill when I had to pick her up for a Dr. visit. I could see her standing in the doorway, waiting for me like she had done so many times. Since she was the only one of our children that had ever attended this school, all the memories I have there surround her.
This time they had a ginormous Valentine card made for her, for us. Inside were so many thoughts and well wishes for us. It was so sweet that they would remember her. We had girls waiting in line to come see us. Teachers eager to give us hugs. They have been such a good school to us. But being there also was very sweet for me, it helped me remember some memories I hope to never forget.

One of my favorite stories of her school came on a night that she was really mad at me for a reason I don't even remember. She had been on edge and was treating me pretty disrespectfully. John told her that she needed to make it up to me, and that she should probably give me a back rub. At first it was like she was pounding meat. I put up with it for a little while and decided I had better get her talking before she bruised me. So I simply asked her how her day at school had been. The pounding became almost bearable and I heard a little giggle escape her lips. I turned to look at her and she had the cutest little grin on her face. I asked her why she was smiling and she began to tell me about what had happened in science class... She had gotten in trouble for talking-again. She was telling her friend how she was craving ice cream so badly right then. Mr. Finlay over heard her talking and told her that if she would finish her work, he would let her eat all the ice cream she could eat. She told me she didn't believe him, so just to call him out on what she was sure was a bluff, she quickly finished her work and turned it in. So he took her into a back room, handed her a spoon, opened a freezer and there before her was all the ice cream she could ever imagine. So many flavors! I have no idea why they had so much ice cream, but he just turned to her and said "Don't hurt yourself" as he winked at her and left. She had no time limit, and she was free to eat all she wanted, just like she had been promised! She said she never knew how full she could get off of just ice cream :) She left him a note thanking him, and left the room. By the time she was done telling me the story we were both laughing so hard, and all the anger that had been there was gone. Little does he know how much of a blessing that ice cream was that day. That was the last fight we had had... I'm so glad it had an ending as sweet as it was. (no pun intended)